Immaterial Girl

Grease Barbies

2009-09-17T18:05:00.000-07:00

These are cute as hell. For those of you Barbie collectors from back in the day, the younger generation got a Barbie's baby sister Kelly (1995) and Tommy. Now they're in my adult hands, in full Sandy and Danny regalia at that. I will continue to bitch about what a craptastic purchase this was, even though I just found them on a site for $29.99 and I only paid $8 at Big Lots on a whim. As the Immaterial Girl always says, if they are useless to me, they are worth $0 and belong in the hall of shame with the bowl of balls and camo hat, but first an open break up letter to the pair:

Dear Kelly and Tommy, I lost all control. It appears I better shape up. It hurts me to say this, but "you're not the one that I want." To my heart I must be true--Oooh oooh oooh.

$8 Grease Barbies = Bargain bin edition of Grease the movie (dancing is freeeeee!)

Michael Kors suede clogs.

2009-09-12T07:21:00.000-07:00

I admit it was a bit of a "label whore" purchase when I saw these Michael Kors shoes on sale for $25 at Neiman Marcus. All I saw were the individual parts: shearling, good quality suede, nice silver hardware and little silver studs across the back. If only I had seen the shoes as a whole, for what they truly are: completely useless considering they are winter lined and backless, so loud you couldn't walk across foam without "clacking" and let's face it, damn ugly. I wore them once to take the dogs out last November and they've since gotten a long-term lease in the closet. Sad, really.

$25 Suede clogs = 12 in-sock warming heat packets

Bowl of ceramic balls.

2009-09-04T11:28:00.000-07:00

There may have been a moment of channeling David Bowie in Labyrinth when these were purchased, but it doesn't change the fact they are a useless set of balls in a dish and the epitome of why this blog exists...

$25 ceramic balls = Labyrinth DVD, microwave popcorn & six pack of Heineken

Plastic Laser Gun

2009-08-20T11:40:00.000-07:00

This was purchased at last year's state fair and lives up to every low standard you'd equate with such a place. It does nothing really, except make loud noises (BYOOObyooobyoooBYOOO), flash red and green lights and irritate everyone who comes into contact with it. It's currently sitting beneath a low end table on top of a Death Star replica and between 2 Storm Trooper masks. What my life has become is a story for another day.

$6 Plastic toy laser gun = one pair of cute plaid earmuffs

Vintage Strawberry Shortcake lunchbox.

2009-08-14T14:32:00.000-07:00

Even now, this, in theory is super rad. A lunchbox that I very well may have owned at one point in my life, complete with random stickers and a Thermos? I'll take three! Unfortunately, at $30 a pop, all I could afford at the time was one and without a daycare to attend, it doesn't get much aside from collecting dust particles. I love Strawberry Shortcake, but this item has put me one stuffed animal away from being the lady with the crocheted tissue box covers...

$30 Vintage Strawberry Shortcake lunchbox = 4 actual lunches at Panera Bread

Flower pen.

2009-08-11T13:11:00.000-07:00

It's a pen. It's a flower. It's a flower pen. In theory, this was a multi-purpose item: A beautiful bud when not in use and what I hoped would be my new favorite pen. Except that it does a pretty crappy job at being both a reliable writing instrument and a realistic looking flower. Theories are made to be disproved I suppose. Let the flower pen be a lesson to us all.

$7 Flower pen = Three dozen # 2 pencils

Fake fur camouflage hat.

2009-08-10T19:56:00.000-07:00

There was a time that I believed I would wear this hat. That time was last year in NYC...a time I also vaguely recall being at least three glasses of water beyond dehydration. I blame the hallucinations, leading me to practically freebase cheesecake squares on the street and believe I might be the governor of Alaska someday. Thank god I won it in a bet about the exact location of Guitar Center. But what kind of a price can you really put on dignity?

$20 hunting hat = 3 pairs of practical Victoria's secret thongs

Hammond the hand puppet

2009-08-10T17:03:00.000-07:00

I know. Adorable right? Those googly cross eyes. That tiny green horn, mohawk thing. The furry orange eye brows. Love him. But this doesn't change the fact that this is a hand puppet, folks, and I have neither children nor a job requiring ventriloquism as a skill. "Hammond" has been reduced to decorating a mic stand for the time being.

$12 Hand puppet = A work week's worth of black coffee at Starbucks